Why Overthinking Feels Endless (and What Might Help)
You know the feeling: a conversation replays on a loop. You lie awake going over what you said — or didn’t say — three days ago. You scroll through possibilities, predictions, and worst-case scenarios like a mental to-do list that never ends.
Maybe you've told yourself, “This is ridiculous. I need to stop.”
Maybe you've even Googled “How to stop overthinking.”
But here’s the thing: overthinking isn’t just a bad habit or a personal failing. It’s often a sign that a part of you is working overtime to keep you safe, prepared, or in control.
In this post, we’ll gently explore:
Why overthinking can feel endless — especially if you’re neurodivergent, have experienced trauma, or tend to live in your head a lot
What kind of “overthinking” you’re actually doing (spoiler: not all loops are the same)
And a few kind, grounded ways to unhook — without trying to silence the part of you that’s trying so hard to help
What Kind of Overthinking Are You Doing?
Not all overthinking looks the same. Sometimes it’s anxious. Sometimes it’s angry. Sometimes it’s disguised as planning or self-reflection — even though nothing really moves forward. Here are a few common types:
🔁 Rumination
Replaying something that already happened. A mistake. A conversation. A moment that felt embarrassing or painful. You keep going over it, as if you could rewrite the past or protect yourself from feeling it again.
⏳ Anticipatory Anxiety
Looping through future scenarios — especially worst-case ones. You rehearse responses, predict reactions, and try to think of everything that could go wrong. It can feel like being "mentally prepared", but often leaves you exhausted.
⚠️ Intrusive or Looping Thoughts
Unwanted thoughts that pop up and won’t leave. Often intense, repetitive, or distressing — and usually not something you’d consciously choose to think about. You might even try to push them away or get rid of them, which only makes them louder.
🎭 Performance Review
Going over what you said in a social or work situation. Wondering if you came across wrong. Re-analysing tone, body language, and how others reacted. This one’s especially common in people with ADHD, trauma, or social anxiety.
Each of these patterns has its own flavour — but they share something in common: they’re driven by a part of you trying to protect or prepare you. The overthinking isn’t random. It has a purpose, even if it’s not always helpful.
Why Overthinking Happens (and Why It Makes Sense)
If you've ever felt frustrated with yourself for “overthinking everything,” pause here for a moment. What if this isn't something broken about you — but something brilliant, protective, and just a little overworked?
Overthinking often comes from parts of us that learned to keep scanning, planning, or replaying in order to stay safe. These parts might have picked up the job years ago — maybe when life felt unpredictable, emotionally risky, or like mistakes weren’t allowed.
From an Internal Family Systems (IFS) perspective, these overthinking parts are often protectors. They’re doing something they believe is absolutely necessary — even if it exhausts you. Their logic might sound something like:
“If I think it through one more time, I won’t mess it up next time.”
“If I stay on alert, nothing can take me by surprise.”
“If I go over every detail, I won’t feel that same shame or hurt again.”
And from a nervous system angle, looping thoughts can be a kind of cognitive hypervigilance — your brain’s way of trying to regain control when your body feels unsafe or dysregulated. If your system doesn’t feel calm, your mind often tries to take over.
So when your thoughts spin out, it doesn’t mean you’re dramatic, broken, or weak. It means there’s a part of you trying to help — it’s just stuck in overdrive.
What Might Help (Without Silencing the Part)
Most advice about overthinking boils down to: “Just stop thinking so much.”
Which… you’ve probably already tried.
But if overthinking is a part of you — not the whole of you — then trying to silence it or push it away often makes things worse. What usually helps is turning towards it with curiosity and care.
Here are a few gentle, grounded ways to start:
🧠 Get to Know the Part That’s Thinking So Hard
Instead of trying to shut it down, try asking:
“What is this part afraid will happen if it stops?”
“What is it trying to protect me from?”
“When did it first learn to do this?”
You don’t need full answers — just a bit of space between you and the thought loop can shift things. Even naming it (“Ah, here’s my ‘what if’ part again”) is enough.
🌬️ Support Your Nervous System, Too
If your body feels unsafe, your mind will keep spinning.
Try:
Movement (even a 30-second stretch or walk)
Cold water on your hands or face
Sound, rhythm, or gentle touch
Co-regulation — a text, a hug, or even a pet
These help signal to your system: we’re OK right now.
🧩 Stop Solving the Unsolvable
Some thought loops act like puzzles with no answer. The more you turn them over, the more stuck you feel. If that’s the case, it’s OK to stop mid-loop and gently say:
“This might be one of those thoughts that doesn’t have a clear answer right now — and that’s OK.”
A Final Thought
You’re not “too much.”
You’re not broken.
And your brain is not the enemy.
Overthinking might just be a part that learned to stay busy in order to keep you safe — especially when safety didn’t come easily. With a little curiosity, compassion, and nervous system support, you can start to unhook… without turning against yourself in the process.