Meet Your Nervous System (And Why It Matters)
You’ve probably heard the term “nervous system regulation” thrown around — especially in therapy or trauma recovery spaces. But what does it actually mean? And why should we care?
Let’s start here: your nervous system isn’t just a bunch of wires in your body. It’s your built-in surveillance and survival system. It constantly scans for cues of safety or danger — and then adjusts your energy, emotions, and behaviour in response.
Most people have heard of fight, flight, or freeze. These are real — and familiar — but they’re not the whole story. In fact, your nervous system has a far more nuanced and layered way of responding to stress and connection. This understanding comes from Polyvagal Theory, which gives us a helpful metaphor: the ladder.
🪜 Climbing Up and Down the Ladder
Imagine your nervous system like a ladder:
At the top, you feel safe, open, curious, and connected. You can think clearly, relate to others, and respond with flexibility.
In the middle, your system activates. You may feel energised, purposeful, focused — or, if safety cues are missing, it may tip into anxiety, anger, or fight-or-flight urgency.
At the bottom, you shut down. You might feel numb, disconnected, hopeless, or like it’s all too much.
We move through these states all day long — and sometimes we blend them. You can be mobilised and connected (think of passionate conversation or creative flow). Or you can appear calm on the outside but feel flat or foggy inside — a kind of functional freeze.
When we don’t recognise these shifts, we get stuck — reacting rather than responding, criticising ourselves for “overreacting,” or trying to shut down states that are actually trying to help.
Many of my clients say things like, “I just want to get rid of the anxiety,” or “I need help with anger management.” That makes total sense. These states can feel overwhelming. But they’re not flaws — they’re signals. The nervous system is trying to protect you in ways that once made sense, even if they don’t anymore.
🧠 Why It Matters
When you learn to recognise where you are on the ladder, you begin to understand what your system is trying to do — and what it might need. You start responding to yourself with curiosity, not criticism. That’s what regulation really means. Not staying calm all the time — but being able to notice and shift when you can.
Your nervous system isn’t the enemy. It’s trying to keep you going — often in ways that made perfect sense once, even if they feel confusing now.
And here’s the hopeful bit: just noticing — “ah, I’m heading up the ladder” or “this feels like a drop to the bottom” — can start to shift something. You don’t have to fix it all. You don’t have to get it perfect.
Just watching your system with a bit more kindness is already powerful.
Try carrying the ladder with you in your mind today.
Up and down. Up and down. That movement is the goal — not staying still.